figured it all out...

So.  I've figured out the best actual way to pick up women - it isn't with money - it isn't with fame - it isn't really even prestige.  Nope - all it really takes is some self-determination and some real, REAL real real real good confidence.  You gotta stound out - you gotta stand proud.  You gotta walk up in someplace like you own the motherfucker - because you do.  

Lately I've been going places with various folks.  Pretty much all of my male buddies.  We'll go to someplace like Lowes, or to the supermarket, or to a car sales place - just wherever there's a lot of people.  My boss, Kenny and myself were walking down the Lowe's isles one day, just bullshitting around and looking for some carpentry supplies, and on the opposite side of us, walking the opposite way, was this really cute 20-something gal.  I happened to notice her.  

Now it's not like I was looking all special or tricked-out or anything - nothing of the sort.  We had been working on sanding hardwood floors all summer long, and along with that, we've been doing all kinds of other stuff having to do with plumbing, air conditioning, roof repair, you name it - we've done it.  

Anyway, I happen to take about five steps when we pass the good-looking al, and as soon as I turn around, well - SHE's turning around, doing a double take on ME... ha! - success - niiiiiiiice ;)

Not like that doesn't happen to me like - alllllll the time - because it does.  I've reverted back to keeping my hairline closely-trimmed with a pair of clippers, and even though I detest actually shaving my face, I really DON'T mind using some hair trimmers (with the guard off, of course) and just substituting that for a really close shave.  

Besides - even though it's wintertime right now, here in Memphis, still - I'm comfortable with this haircut.  Love it.  Think I'll keep it this way for a good bit.

I've also been wearing my wrangler's blue jeans all summer long - 34 inch waist, 34 inch length - they make my ass look like a cowboy.  Seriously.  

Also been having a lot, a LOT of women that've been noticing and staring my way lately.

Happened to go into the tobacco store the other day with my boss, Kenny, and as we were in there, he was looking for a carton of this certain brand of cigars that are basically mini-cigars - they smoke like a cigarette, and are wayyyy better tasting, anyway.  So we walk in, I"ve got my shitkickers on that I've had since I drove  a tug at FedEx back in 1999, I've got a big old dip of kodiak dip in my mouth and I'm letting him know about this and that and this and that, blah blah blah blah - anyway - here comes the good part.

I had happened to notice this really nice-looking 20-something woman behind the counter that was working there.  She was pretty doggone cute.  Looked maybe, 22, 23, 24 maybe?  Brunette - brown eyes - about 5'4" inches tall - not fat - yeah - she caught me eyes. 

So I go help my boss Kenny find cigars for his roommate and all of that stuff, and wind up talking to this _other_ guy in there that happens to be holding onto a six-pack of Blue Moon "Belgian White" beer - I told him, "brother - I had about 3 or 4 of those the other night when I was out with my buddies, and it had to be, THE single BEST beer I've had in _quite_ a while!!!" - we chuckled a little bit about it and everything while said hottie brunette was ringing him up. 

Turns out, said brunette asked my boss, "what's his name?" while I was over on the other side of the store, getting our buddies that carton of cigars.  She told my boss that her name was "Heather", and then told her that my name was "Drew" - interesting - the place she works at is just about half a mile down the street from me, on Summer Avenue.  Might take me about five minutes to walk up there - that's about all.  Cool cool cool cool...  

Should be easy to remember.  

So I was up for the last three days straight until last night.  I happened to get a hold of some good xanex to get me some sleep - I took about six milligrams the first does, and then two more in the middle of the night when I got up again.  

Wound up sleeping about twelve hours.  It was some good, deep sleep, too.  Good stuff.  Real good stuff.  

When I've been up for extended days at a time, my neck will often begin to jerk.

Anyway - yeah, also wanted to toot my own horn that I'd like to think, I repeat, THINK that these women have been looking my way.  I would like to THINK that they've been walking around, following me around the grocery store.  I really think that they have.  

I don't think I'm conceited about it, or anything like that.  I work hard on my body.  I walk - a LOT - a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a LOT... always.  

My skin is still somewhat tan from this summer and me working out in the sun with no shirt on.  Very, very very tan.  Very.  I mean, I'm not dark like I'm a saudi arabian, or anything like that, but still - kinda dark, for a white dude.

Yeah.  Haven't been laid since 20014 - but I  really don't care.  I've had the opportunity, and have passed it up - point blank period.  I just won't sleep with anyone.  I'm picky.  Very, very very VERY picky.  

I don't know when I'll get into dating any of them, though.  I really don't.  Don't know if I have the time or the cash flow right now to do that.  Just don't know.  

Anyway, everybody out there have a great day, evening, afternoon or midnight - wherever it may be.

Cheers.

-drew 

Wow/Running_into_NKV...

Okay.  I had something happen last week that _almost_ made me proud of myself... I happened to be at this one bar somewhere here in Memphis (I don't remember which...) and my best friend & musical partner, Jammin' Jimmy Ellis, happened to be with.  Anyway, the reason why I picked this particular bar, was because I wanted an ex-girlfriend of mine (the one from last summer's heartbreak...) to see my face in public, and to show her that I was doing just great without her (which I _am_(!!!)) - so yeah, I had been on Facebook beforehand a few days ago, and happened to notice this response to one of my music-postings on youtube: by none other than my ex-girlfriend.  Now, this IS the gal that broke my f***ing little heart, last summer - I had not seen this woman in the flesh since this past June.  So, yeah, I needed that time to get over her.  Okay, so I was on FB and clicked on her page; it showed that she was planning on going to hear this cover band at such-&-such, whatever, and fhat's when the okd gears of mine starting shifting around - yeah, I also forgot to add that I had broken my glasses last month in a bad bathroom fall, here at home.  Long story short, I had spent the last mknth or so just _squinting_ my nearsighted eyes out (nearsighted means you can only see what is near, just as being farsighted means that, well, figure it out; and since I had become accustomed to not being able to see everything 100%, that I would not have to meet my exes' eyes, no eye-to-eye contact; no reason to go out of my way to have to _talk_ to her, to be able to pretend that she just wasn't there.  Which is exact_ly what happened... we get in there around 9:30pm, the band had apparently been on for the last 30 minutes or so.  Anywho, Jimmy & I went and got seats in the back, kind of at the opposite side of the band that was onstage, we went up, got a beer each, and on my way back to our seat, I spotted her.  Mind you, I never show nervpusness, and can hide that QUITE well, well still - when I spotted her out of the corner of my eye, well - I _knew_ it was her.  But, as I didnt have my glasses on and I didnt want her to  KNOW that I knew she was there, I didn't get to relish in her sight.  She was with an older man, well, I say "older" but, he was really just older than ME: that's all.  He had short, gray hair, wore glasses, and looked to be somewhat of a heavyset guy.  I wonder if she has ever told him "you need to start working out", like she did with me??? - hmmm... wonder if I could use that for another premise in one of my songs??? "she told me to work out, but she's with a heavy dude" - something like that?  Anyway, I know that she saw me, and she never knew that myself (or Jimmy...) knew that she was there.  And yeah - I needed that.  It was important to tell myself that I had to llet her go.  And now - I truly have.  Goodbye forever from my heart, Kathleen... I have let your memories go.  Goodbye...

Doing_Well...

Life - it's fast-paced, moving faster than the speed of light even... because "time" is only _perceived_ by us humans, well, time in itself does not exist... try to define time?  It's hard to do... I would define it as our perception of intervals in between events that occur in our lives... with a universe that is measured at 14 billion LY's (light years) from one end to the other... I say it's infinitely vast.  Forever & ever - lately things have been going well; I have lately, for the past month, have been taking my guitar(s) up to this japanese steakhouse that's in my neighborhood, and playing for the guests; the owner has been observing me, as of late: he likes what he sees, and asked me if I wanted to be a server - now I just have to have my abc card to be able to serve alcohol; getting ready to go up there in about another six hours or so... anyway maybe I'll be able to make some good tips, until I can pay for that abc card... I might make up for that and _then_ some... we shall see.  We shall see... -andrew

Things Go South...

Okay, so I'm _not_ dating chick anymore.  Which - I really don't care.  Things always go weird in my dating relationships, so I'm not surprised.  Not like I showered her with attention, affection, anything like that, because I didn't.  She even told me about four or five nights ago that she wished I would kiss her more.  I don't give up my affections that easily, anymore... not since that breakup I went through, this past summer.

But, that's the way it just goes, in the dating realm... things don't always go super_duper_easy - nope - don't happen like that.

However - I'm cool with it all.  It doesn't bother me that much, only because I didn't spend a ton of time with her or anything like that.  This situation is nothing like the situation that happened to me, this past summer.  I was completely devastated by that particular breakup - this "breakup" (if you can even call it that - lol!!!) really doesn't mean that much to me.  I didn't get the chance to fall in love with this chick (which is something I won't allow myself to do - at least, not in the first six or seven months of dating...) - which is GOOD(!!!) - I don't find myself daydreaming of times past with her, like I used to do with my ex.

How would I react if I saw my ex out in public?  I've thought a _lot_ about that very thing.  I don't think I would completely ignore her, or anything like that; I'd probably make a passing statement like "hey Kathleen - what's up..." and then - walk the hell on like it was nothing.  Yeah.  That would be better.  Would show her that I really didn't give a damn about the breakup anymore, after all.

Which I kinda still _do_ - not my fault.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  But I do know one thing - the fact that I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house (at anytime of day or night, etc.) - that has soooooo helped me get over things.  I mean, I still sometimes drive over in the _direction_ of her place, but only when I'm on my way to see friends of mine that just happen to live close by, to her.  But letting myself drive down her street? - HELLLLL_NO!!! - HA!!!

It's nice when you can finally be over someone.  I was talking to my Mama a little bit earlier, when we were in the kitchen, working on her famous jello-salad and hummingbird pineapple cake - we don't have the biggest kitchen, mind you... our house is only a two bedroom, one living room, one dining room, one small kitchen, one small laundry room, and an upstairs attic that is only about five feet in heighth - all in all.  A very small place.  So if you can imagine the small size of the kitchen, with not one, but _two_ cooks in the kitchen, then you might be able to catch my drift about how we somehow managed to make things work.  But then again - we're a great, great team together, me and my Mama.  She is the best Mother in the entire, entire world, and I can depend on her for any_thing... she's that awesome.

She's extremely understanding, as well.  She understands why I sometimes smoke marijuana.  She knows the things that go on in my dating life, simply because I share a LOT with her.  She understands how sometimes, I want to go out until 4am, partying it up and HARD, with some of my neighborhood peoples.  Stuff like that.  Totally the best Mama ever, ever ever ever ever.

Other than that, we're planning on going out of town for about 12 hours, tomorrow... going out to thew family farm, exactly (to the _T_) 100 miles east of my house, halfway between Memphis and Nashville, TN.  We have about forty acres, total, out there, and have a huge pine tree plantation - whose saplings were planted in early 1996, when I was a senior in high school, AND going through a really, really tough breakup... yeah - I go through tough breakups.  I guess I give too much of my heart, to the woman in my life.  Can't do that, anymore.  Might be why the latest chick (that I've known since 1992...) pulled away so quickly.  I don't know.  I have my issues, like in the sleep department, health department, stuff like that.  Hell, I have an incurable disease of the brain.  But you don't see me giving a damn about that.  I mean, I take my meds like I'm supposed to, eat like I'm supposed to (I only eat once per day, and that's ONLY after taking my night time Seroquel - the only thing that both gives me an appetite - AND helps me to sleep...) - I catch the sleep that I'm supposed to, sometimes only four hours, sometimes 18 - depends on how I feel or how tired I am.  If it wasn't for taking Seroquel that my psychiatrist prescribes me? - I would be awake, straight - for a month at a time, maybe longer.

Going without sleep for that long? - will make you crazy.  I've been there, before they discovered that all of the brain damage from multiple sclerosis caused me to become bi-polar.  Bipolar class 2, to be exact - which means - I won't sleep - at ALL - without a huge dose of the Seroquel.  Just wouldn't do it.  Wouldn't eat, either, as that is the ONLY thing that gives me an appetite for the day, just before I go to bed.

Yeah - I'm weird.  But then again - I've been through a HELL of alot, since I was 21.  My Pops coming down with Alzheimers, me becoming a heroin addict from 2004-2005, THEN going blind in July 2007, after being off of heroin for two years... THEN loing my father to the damn alzheimers, in 2009... you go through that much? - you won't sleep well, either.  So - don't judge.  It can happen to you.  Yup.

Okay - so it's Christmas Eve, I've just helped my Mama fix our desserts for our trip out of town, and I'm going to go visit the neighbors across the street, for a while.

Happy Holidays to everyone out there on the planet (AND IN THE COSMOS!!!)

-drew =P

My tunes - wanna hear??? ;)

These are some of the tunes I've posted to my facebook page, as well as to my youtube... I'm trying my best to get my tunes _OUT_THERE_(!!!) - sooooo - feel free to "share" my tunes with whomever you want - I'm not after money for my songs - just some exposure's allllls I'm askin'... enjoy! -drew https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBFmvh9VN2c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3t0vJLqBYg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwTEwX4gzdI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_l1wY2WVa8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1GVDz3AaI4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_0SqzDwsw0

For_REAL(!!!) - new toys & a new girlfriend... ;)

It's pretty much going smoothly for me, especially in the last few weeks or so... I've recently began dating someone quite new - someone that I've known since we were freshmen in high school, soooo I mean - yeah - I know this chick, pretttttyyy_wellllll...

Which is good, because there aren't any surprises.  I know I'm not the best boyfriend in the world or anything, and I know that I've become kind of jaded - when it comes to women & dating them - especially since my failed relationship I had, back at the beginning of the spring through early summer, with my ex.  That?  That was pretty doggone tough.  Tough to go through.  I never thought I would be able to open up to someone ever again - but I was wrong... even though I've _still_ been somewhat of a recluse, since I began dating this new chick.  I haven't called her everyday or anything, more like every couple of days.  But I just don't want to appear desperate for attention.  Don't want that. 

I also share a lot in common with my new squeeze... we're both musicians - she plays the fiddle - someday I will learn fiddle - we both love moonshine - she makes it, I drink it - and we both like the same type of music.  Not that I didn't like the music that my ex liked, because I pretty much did, but - this is different.  We're both huge, HUGE Led Zeppelin fans.  We both support the legalization of marijuana - recreational or medical - either one, don't matter.  We both like to go to music hangouts, drink beer until 4am, and hang with the best of them.  She's a lot, LOT different than my ex.  About 11 years younger, too.  Oh, forgot to add - she wears a double-zero waist size - haven't ever dated a woman that skinny, at only 105 pounds - just never have... ;)

Oh yeah, forgot to add about my new "toy", my Randy Jackson series guitar.  It's a pretty sweet toy... I just this morning got a new 9-volt battery to put in the thing, to which it will let me record, loop, playback, etc.  I got it to help me to become more of a "one man band", since I have pretty much been playing solo for quite some time, now.  Not that I care, because I don't - but now I'll have the tools to succeed, even if only succeeding by just the teeniest, tiniest bit - I'll succeed...

I'm still exploring the different capabilities, effects, and specifications of the guitar itself - it has a lot in store for me, and I'm glad that Santa was able to get me an early Christmas present. 

Very nice.  Quite...

Other than that? - that's pretty much it.  Nothing new other than a new girlfriend and guitar.  That's pretty much it. 

Glad I don't have to go out in the night, rolling solo & single all the way through.  Nice to have a beautiful woman on my arm.  We went out the other night until about 4am - the bar we went to was a local one, about a little over two miles from my house.  One of the waitresses behind the bar kept looking at me, while my squeeze and I were up there, enjoying our beer & whiskey & whatnot - I think she was in her mid-twenties, couldn't have been over 26 or 27.  Anyway, she was hella cute - but as whenever I'm with a gal, out in public - I won't be rude and look at other women.  I refuse to be that impolite.  Absolutely refuse it.

So, enjoy your looks, gals - that's all I'm giving you... =P
-ajb

Confessionals...

Yeah. 

I've been hiding some stuff, at least publically (or socially, like in Facebook...) for the past five or so months.

I haven't dated anyone since my breakup with my ex, back at the beginning of July.  I can't really complain about the breakup, as, well - it was an unintended consequence - and nobody was "at fault", not intentionally, anyway.

As far as social networking goes, like on Facebook? - well, I've been living a façade.  I've had a "fake" girlfriend for the last 3 or 4 months.  I mean, DAMN!!!  That breakup?  SUPER_DUPER_DUPER(!!!) hard on my psyche, my physical self, my self-esteem - everything. 

I know that my ex girlfriend had/has been keeping up with my travels, at least on Facebook.  Why?  I don't know.  I mean, she broke up with me, so - why in the world would she keep up with me?

Take last month, for instance:  I was outside on my front porch and smoking a joint, it was about 3 in the afternoon, when along comes this silver, hatchback Honda civic - just like the one that she drives.  You don't see many silver, older model Honda civics with a hatchback, at least I haven't seen one since I was dating her, or after our breakup.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was her.  I just stood there, holding that joint in my hands, and simply watched "her" (if it WAS her...) just drive on by. 

And it's not like I'm "in the neighborhood" or anything like that.  My house is in the exact opposite direction from her commute, or travels home - like when she's leaving school, or something like that.  I'm pretty sure that she was either 1) going to class, or 2) out of class, on her way home.  No way it could have been anybody else.

Also - it's not like I've been stalking her, either.  I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house, especially when I happen to be in the neighborhood (like I am when I'm going to my buddy, Stevo's house) - I just won't and haven't allowed myself to do it. 

Don't get me wrong - I've been tempted, tempted to drive by her house, see who might be spending the night, all of that jazz, but - I've been strong.  At least, in _that_ particular regard...  I've been really strong.  I've _somewhat_ avoided looking at her Facebook page, as after our breakup, I blocked her from my page.  She just created another. 

Circumstantial?  Perhaps.  But, the fact that she made a "new" Facebook, as well as seeing her car drive by my house (can't forge - POSSIBLY her car...), as _well_ as seeing a car, just like hers, drive by one of the places that I do open-mic, about two or three miles down the street from me, well - Monday night, as I was getting ready to go into a place called "The Cove", it was about 7:30pm, and on the way in, I thought I saw a car - again - just like hers, drive past the establishment.  It wasn't driving very fast - at all - and as it was driving away, slowly, I had my guitar case in my hand, and began walking towards the car in their direction; it made a left turn a block away from me, and off it went. 

Now, am I crazy to think that all of these circumstantial events mean something?  Maybe.  Am I crazy about this woman?  I don't know.  I know that I'm still in love with her.  Yeah Kathleen - I'm still in love with you.  I would love to go out and date someone new, and finally forget what we had together.  I mean, it wasn't that _bad_ and I know that there could be some unintended consequences (like my heartbreak) resulting from a potential breakup and all of that, but still...

Yeah.  I still love you, Kathleen.  I don't know how long I will love you, or be in love with you or anything like that.  I don't know if you're dating someone new.  I don't know if you've met someone else, or what.  I'm sure you have.  You're a beautiful woman, and I'm just sorry that I couldn't provide everything that you needed, in a man. 

From what I gathered from our relationship, you want a man that 1) has graduated from college, 2) is established in a gainful profession, 3) has a house & car of his own, 4) make at the _least_ $60,000 a year, and 5) doesn't have a debilitating disease like myself, with my having multiple sclerosis and all of that, and 6) someone who can please you physically, on demand and at the drop of a hat.  I know that my MS caused some serious drawbacks in the physical aspect of our relationship.  I know that sometimes I couldn't please you.  It had been so, SO very long since I had been with anyone, for at least five or six years, until you came along.  So I had a lot of catching up to do.  As well as going back through the beginning, learning the ropes all over again. 

I wanted to hurt your feelings, after our breakup.  At first, after it ended, well - I wanted to kill myself.  You know this because I told you that's what I wanted to do, the night after you broke up with me.  Thank GOD that I did not do that!!!  Also - I wanted to "jump back on the wagon" as fast as possible, find a beautiful girl to court and pursue for a relationship, so that I could post a selfie of me and whoever's beautiful face I would happen to be dating, onto my Facebook page.  Yeah - I wanted to really, really, REALLLLYY rub it in. 

Seriously. 

But, I'm over that now.  I don't know if you'll ever read this, you may, you may not.  I don't know.  If you do a Google search of my whole name, you'll find this.  Otherwise?  I don't know. 

Before we started dating, you asked me "is us dating going to hurt the group?" when we were all playing music together, with you singing and me and Jimmy doing our thing on the guitar/mandolin/dobro/whatever... I knew the repercussions of what could happen, before I asked you out.  I knew that if there was a breakup, that well, it would mess everything up. 

And, it did.  My fault on that one.  I fall in love easily, especially when I allow myself to do so, like I did with you, and fell for you so hard because we shared soooo much in common.  But, I was a fool for thinking so, or believing that you actually loved me, when you told me that you did. 

I'm also "lucky" in the fact that I share a name with a famous professional basketball player, Andrew Bynum.  Although I'm probably about 8 years older, about a foot shorter, and make wayyyyyy less money than he does, well - it keeps a lot of the "web searches" from immediately pulling _MY_ information up.  The baller's info comes up first - always.  And?  I think I like that.  Keeps me somewhat "mysterious" (???) - if I can call it that? 

I started this blog because there are certain things I won't post on my Facebook.  On here?  I am somewhat anonymous, and can talk about whatever. 

Anyway, so - my <3 has recovered (finally!!!), I'm "over" you, Kathleen, and I know sooooo much more (at least, in the dating department) about relationships, and how _not_ to screw them up - all because of you. 

I now know - DON'T talk about the person you're dating on Facebook or social media, I mean, you can talk about them and the time you share with them, but - don't overdo it. 

I now know this.  The next woman in my life?  I won't be talking about her on Facebook - at least, not in the way I talked about you, Kathleen.  Our relationship, in fact, well it taught me _so_ very much.  So, so so so SO much!!! 

I guess that a good "dress rehearsal" like ours?  Has its benefits.  I don't know if we'll ever meet again.  I don't know if I'll ever hold you again.  I'm pretty sure that I'll never kiss you again.  Nor sleep with you.  I know that all of that? - is over.  And I'm okay with that. 

I am the type of man that, when a relationship goes south, and I wind up possibly getting my heart broken?  I withdraw from the life of that person.  I just disappear.  It's much, much much easier that way.  Much.  That way I can get on with my life. 

But - you stay beautiful, okay?  Yeah.  I still think that you're beautiful.  I hope you have a good birthday next month, on the 15th.  I hope that you're doing well in your master's courses, and I want you to know that I'm going back to school this upcoming January.  I'll be signing up for 3 classes, two of them having to do with my course-load, and one class will be a Shodokan Karate class with my old sensei, Jeff Mullins.  That will give me more than 6 hours, and I'll be able to use the fitness facilities up at school.  I don't know if we'll ever see each other up there, as I'll probably be going during a time when you won't be there.

But if I see you up there?  I'll give you a wave.  If you want one when you see me, sure - I'll give you a hug.  And then I'll be off. 

Everyone else? - Have a wonderful night/day/weekend/whatever...

-ajb