Okay, so I'm _not_ dating chick anymore. Which - I really don't care. Things always go weird in my dating relationships, so I'm not surprised. Not like I showered her with attention, affection, anything like that, because I didn't. She even told me about four or five nights ago that she wished I would kiss her more. I don't give up my affections that easily, anymore... not since that breakup I went through, this past summer.
But, that's the way it just goes, in the dating realm... things don't always go super_duper_easy - nope - don't happen like that.
However - I'm cool with it all. It doesn't bother me that much, only because I didn't spend a ton of time with her or anything like that. This situation is nothing like the situation that happened to me, this past summer. I was completely devastated by that particular breakup - this "breakup" (if you can even call it that - lol!!!) really doesn't mean that much to me. I didn't get the chance to fall in love with this chick (which is something I won't allow myself to do - at least, not in the first six or seven months of dating...) - which is GOOD(!!!) - I don't find myself daydreaming of times past with her, like I used to do with my ex.
How would I react if I saw my ex out in public? I've thought a _lot_ about that very thing. I don't think I would completely ignore her, or anything like that; I'd probably make a passing statement like "hey Kathleen - what's up..." and then - walk the hell on like it was nothing. Yeah. That would be better. Would show her that I really didn't give a damn about the breakup anymore, after all.
Which I kinda still _do_ - not my fault. The heart wants what the heart wants. But I do know one thing - the fact that I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house (at anytime of day or night, etc.) - that has soooooo helped me get over things. I mean, I still sometimes drive over in the _direction_ of her place, but only when I'm on my way to see friends of mine that just happen to live close by, to her. But letting myself drive down her street? - HELLLLL_NO!!! - HA!!!
It's nice when you can finally be over someone. I was talking to my Mama a little bit earlier, when we were in the kitchen, working on her famous jello-salad and hummingbird pineapple cake - we don't have the biggest kitchen, mind you... our house is only a two bedroom, one living room, one dining room, one small kitchen, one small laundry room, and an upstairs attic that is only about five feet in heighth - all in all. A very small place. So if you can imagine the small size of the kitchen, with not one, but _two_ cooks in the kitchen, then you might be able to catch my drift about how we somehow managed to make things work. But then again - we're a great, great team together, me and my Mama. She is the best Mother in the entire, entire world, and I can depend on her for any_thing... she's that awesome.
She's extremely understanding, as well. She understands why I sometimes smoke marijuana. She knows the things that go on in my dating life, simply because I share a LOT with her. She understands how sometimes, I want to go out until 4am, partying it up and HARD, with some of my neighborhood peoples. Stuff like that. Totally the best Mama ever, ever ever ever ever.
Other than that, we're planning on going out of town for about 12 hours, tomorrow... going out to thew family farm, exactly (to the _T_) 100 miles east of my house, halfway between Memphis and Nashville, TN. We have about forty acres, total, out there, and have a huge pine tree plantation - whose saplings were planted in early 1996, when I was a senior in high school, AND going through a really, really tough breakup... yeah - I go through tough breakups. I guess I give too much of my heart, to the woman in my life. Can't do that, anymore. Might be why the latest chick (that I've known since 1992...) pulled away so quickly. I don't know. I have my issues, like in the sleep department, health department, stuff like that. Hell, I have an incurable disease of the brain. But you don't see me giving a damn about that. I mean, I take my meds like I'm supposed to, eat like I'm supposed to (I only eat once per day, and that's ONLY after taking my night time Seroquel - the only thing that both gives me an appetite - AND helps me to sleep...) - I catch the sleep that I'm supposed to, sometimes only four hours, sometimes 18 - depends on how I feel or how tired I am. If it wasn't for taking Seroquel that my psychiatrist prescribes me? - I would be awake, straight - for a month at a time, maybe longer.
Going without sleep for that long? - will make you crazy. I've been there, before they discovered that all of the brain damage from multiple sclerosis caused me to become bi-polar. Bipolar class 2, to be exact - which means - I won't sleep - at ALL - without a huge dose of the Seroquel. Just wouldn't do it. Wouldn't eat, either, as that is the ONLY thing that gives me an appetite for the day, just before I go to bed.
Yeah - I'm weird. But then again - I've been through a HELL of alot, since I was 21. My Pops coming down with Alzheimers, me becoming a heroin addict from 2004-2005, THEN going blind in July 2007, after being off of heroin for two years... THEN loing my father to the damn alzheimers, in 2009... you go through that much? - you won't sleep well, either. So - don't judge. It can happen to you. Yup.
Okay - so it's Christmas Eve, I've just helped my Mama fix our desserts for our trip out of town, and I'm going to go visit the neighbors across the street, for a while.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there on the planet (AND IN THE COSMOS!!!)
-drew =P
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