Life - it's fast-paced, moving faster than the speed of light even... because "time" is only _perceived_ by us humans, well, time in itself does not exist... try to define time? It's hard to do... I would define it as our perception of intervals in between events that occur in our lives... with a universe that is measured at 14 billion LY's (light years) from one end to the other... I say it's infinitely vast. Forever & ever - lately things have been going well; I have lately, for the past month, have been taking my guitar(s) up to this japanese steakhouse that's in my neighborhood, and playing for the guests; the owner has been observing me, as of late: he likes what he sees, and asked me if I wanted to be a server - now I just have to have my abc card to be able to serve alcohol; getting ready to go up there in about another six hours or so... anyway maybe I'll be able to make some good tips, until I can pay for that abc card... I might make up for that and _then_ some... we shall see. We shall see... -andrew
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Things Go South...
Okay, so I'm _not_ dating chick anymore. Which - I really don't care. Things always go weird in my dating relationships, so I'm not surprised. Not like I showered her with attention, affection, anything like that, because I didn't. She even told me about four or five nights ago that she wished I would kiss her more. I don't give up my affections that easily, anymore... not since that breakup I went through, this past summer.
But, that's the way it just goes, in the dating realm... things don't always go super_duper_easy - nope - don't happen like that.
However - I'm cool with it all. It doesn't bother me that much, only because I didn't spend a ton of time with her or anything like that. This situation is nothing like the situation that happened to me, this past summer. I was completely devastated by that particular breakup - this "breakup" (if you can even call it that - lol!!!) really doesn't mean that much to me. I didn't get the chance to fall in love with this chick (which is something I won't allow myself to do - at least, not in the first six or seven months of dating...) - which is GOOD(!!!) - I don't find myself daydreaming of times past with her, like I used to do with my ex.
How would I react if I saw my ex out in public? I've thought a _lot_ about that very thing. I don't think I would completely ignore her, or anything like that; I'd probably make a passing statement like "hey Kathleen - what's up..." and then - walk the hell on like it was nothing. Yeah. That would be better. Would show her that I really didn't give a damn about the breakup anymore, after all.
Which I kinda still _do_ - not my fault. The heart wants what the heart wants. But I do know one thing - the fact that I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house (at anytime of day or night, etc.) - that has soooooo helped me get over things. I mean, I still sometimes drive over in the _direction_ of her place, but only when I'm on my way to see friends of mine that just happen to live close by, to her. But letting myself drive down her street? - HELLLLL_NO!!! - HA!!!
It's nice when you can finally be over someone. I was talking to my Mama a little bit earlier, when we were in the kitchen, working on her famous jello-salad and hummingbird pineapple cake - we don't have the biggest kitchen, mind you... our house is only a two bedroom, one living room, one dining room, one small kitchen, one small laundry room, and an upstairs attic that is only about five feet in heighth - all in all. A very small place. So if you can imagine the small size of the kitchen, with not one, but _two_ cooks in the kitchen, then you might be able to catch my drift about how we somehow managed to make things work. But then again - we're a great, great team together, me and my Mama. She is the best Mother in the entire, entire world, and I can depend on her for any_thing... she's that awesome.
She's extremely understanding, as well. She understands why I sometimes smoke marijuana. She knows the things that go on in my dating life, simply because I share a LOT with her. She understands how sometimes, I want to go out until 4am, partying it up and HARD, with some of my neighborhood peoples. Stuff like that. Totally the best Mama ever, ever ever ever ever.
Other than that, we're planning on going out of town for about 12 hours, tomorrow... going out to thew family farm, exactly (to the _T_) 100 miles east of my house, halfway between Memphis and Nashville, TN. We have about forty acres, total, out there, and have a huge pine tree plantation - whose saplings were planted in early 1996, when I was a senior in high school, AND going through a really, really tough breakup... yeah - I go through tough breakups. I guess I give too much of my heart, to the woman in my life. Can't do that, anymore. Might be why the latest chick (that I've known since 1992...) pulled away so quickly. I don't know. I have my issues, like in the sleep department, health department, stuff like that. Hell, I have an incurable disease of the brain. But you don't see me giving a damn about that. I mean, I take my meds like I'm supposed to, eat like I'm supposed to (I only eat once per day, and that's ONLY after taking my night time Seroquel - the only thing that both gives me an appetite - AND helps me to sleep...) - I catch the sleep that I'm supposed to, sometimes only four hours, sometimes 18 - depends on how I feel or how tired I am. If it wasn't for taking Seroquel that my psychiatrist prescribes me? - I would be awake, straight - for a month at a time, maybe longer.
Going without sleep for that long? - will make you crazy. I've been there, before they discovered that all of the brain damage from multiple sclerosis caused me to become bi-polar. Bipolar class 2, to be exact - which means - I won't sleep - at ALL - without a huge dose of the Seroquel. Just wouldn't do it. Wouldn't eat, either, as that is the ONLY thing that gives me an appetite for the day, just before I go to bed.
Yeah - I'm weird. But then again - I've been through a HELL of alot, since I was 21. My Pops coming down with Alzheimers, me becoming a heroin addict from 2004-2005, THEN going blind in July 2007, after being off of heroin for two years... THEN loing my father to the damn alzheimers, in 2009... you go through that much? - you won't sleep well, either. So - don't judge. It can happen to you. Yup.
Okay - so it's Christmas Eve, I've just helped my Mama fix our desserts for our trip out of town, and I'm going to go visit the neighbors across the street, for a while.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there on the planet (AND IN THE COSMOS!!!)
-drew =P
But, that's the way it just goes, in the dating realm... things don't always go super_duper_easy - nope - don't happen like that.
However - I'm cool with it all. It doesn't bother me that much, only because I didn't spend a ton of time with her or anything like that. This situation is nothing like the situation that happened to me, this past summer. I was completely devastated by that particular breakup - this "breakup" (if you can even call it that - lol!!!) really doesn't mean that much to me. I didn't get the chance to fall in love with this chick (which is something I won't allow myself to do - at least, not in the first six or seven months of dating...) - which is GOOD(!!!) - I don't find myself daydreaming of times past with her, like I used to do with my ex.
How would I react if I saw my ex out in public? I've thought a _lot_ about that very thing. I don't think I would completely ignore her, or anything like that; I'd probably make a passing statement like "hey Kathleen - what's up..." and then - walk the hell on like it was nothing. Yeah. That would be better. Would show her that I really didn't give a damn about the breakup anymore, after all.
Which I kinda still _do_ - not my fault. The heart wants what the heart wants. But I do know one thing - the fact that I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house (at anytime of day or night, etc.) - that has soooooo helped me get over things. I mean, I still sometimes drive over in the _direction_ of her place, but only when I'm on my way to see friends of mine that just happen to live close by, to her. But letting myself drive down her street? - HELLLLL_NO!!! - HA!!!
It's nice when you can finally be over someone. I was talking to my Mama a little bit earlier, when we were in the kitchen, working on her famous jello-salad and hummingbird pineapple cake - we don't have the biggest kitchen, mind you... our house is only a two bedroom, one living room, one dining room, one small kitchen, one small laundry room, and an upstairs attic that is only about five feet in heighth - all in all. A very small place. So if you can imagine the small size of the kitchen, with not one, but _two_ cooks in the kitchen, then you might be able to catch my drift about how we somehow managed to make things work. But then again - we're a great, great team together, me and my Mama. She is the best Mother in the entire, entire world, and I can depend on her for any_thing... she's that awesome.
She's extremely understanding, as well. She understands why I sometimes smoke marijuana. She knows the things that go on in my dating life, simply because I share a LOT with her. She understands how sometimes, I want to go out until 4am, partying it up and HARD, with some of my neighborhood peoples. Stuff like that. Totally the best Mama ever, ever ever ever ever.
Other than that, we're planning on going out of town for about 12 hours, tomorrow... going out to thew family farm, exactly (to the _T_) 100 miles east of my house, halfway between Memphis and Nashville, TN. We have about forty acres, total, out there, and have a huge pine tree plantation - whose saplings were planted in early 1996, when I was a senior in high school, AND going through a really, really tough breakup... yeah - I go through tough breakups. I guess I give too much of my heart, to the woman in my life. Can't do that, anymore. Might be why the latest chick (that I've known since 1992...) pulled away so quickly. I don't know. I have my issues, like in the sleep department, health department, stuff like that. Hell, I have an incurable disease of the brain. But you don't see me giving a damn about that. I mean, I take my meds like I'm supposed to, eat like I'm supposed to (I only eat once per day, and that's ONLY after taking my night time Seroquel - the only thing that both gives me an appetite - AND helps me to sleep...) - I catch the sleep that I'm supposed to, sometimes only four hours, sometimes 18 - depends on how I feel or how tired I am. If it wasn't for taking Seroquel that my psychiatrist prescribes me? - I would be awake, straight - for a month at a time, maybe longer.
Going without sleep for that long? - will make you crazy. I've been there, before they discovered that all of the brain damage from multiple sclerosis caused me to become bi-polar. Bipolar class 2, to be exact - which means - I won't sleep - at ALL - without a huge dose of the Seroquel. Just wouldn't do it. Wouldn't eat, either, as that is the ONLY thing that gives me an appetite for the day, just before I go to bed.
Yeah - I'm weird. But then again - I've been through a HELL of alot, since I was 21. My Pops coming down with Alzheimers, me becoming a heroin addict from 2004-2005, THEN going blind in July 2007, after being off of heroin for two years... THEN loing my father to the damn alzheimers, in 2009... you go through that much? - you won't sleep well, either. So - don't judge. It can happen to you. Yup.
Okay - so it's Christmas Eve, I've just helped my Mama fix our desserts for our trip out of town, and I'm going to go visit the neighbors across the street, for a while.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there on the planet (AND IN THE COSMOS!!!)
-drew =P
Monday, December 22, 2014
My tunes - wanna hear??? ;)
These are some of the tunes I've posted to my facebook page, as well as to my youtube... I'm trying my best to get my tunes _OUT_THERE_(!!!) - sooooo - feel free to "share" my tunes with whomever you want - I'm not after money for my songs - just some exposure's allllls I'm askin'... enjoy! -drew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBFmvh9VN2c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3t0vJLqBYg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwTEwX4gzdI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_l1wY2WVa8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1GVDz3AaI4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_0SqzDwsw0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3t0vJLqBYg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwTEwX4gzdI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_l1wY2WVa8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1GVDz3AaI4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_0SqzDwsw0
Monday, December 15, 2014
For_REAL(!!!) - new toys & a new girlfriend... ;)
It's pretty much going smoothly for me, especially in the last few weeks or so... I've recently began dating someone quite new - someone that I've known since we were freshmen in high school, soooo I mean - yeah - I know this chick, pretttttyyy_wellllll...
Which is good, because there aren't any surprises. I know I'm not the best boyfriend in the world or anything, and I know that I've become kind of jaded - when it comes to women & dating them - especially since my failed relationship I had, back at the beginning of the spring through early summer, with my ex. That? That was pretty doggone tough. Tough to go through. I never thought I would be able to open up to someone ever again - but I was wrong... even though I've _still_ been somewhat of a recluse, since I began dating this new chick. I haven't called her everyday or anything, more like every couple of days. But I just don't want to appear desperate for attention. Don't want that.
I also share a lot in common with my new squeeze... we're both musicians - she plays the fiddle - someday I will learn fiddle - we both love moonshine - she makes it, I drink it - and we both like the same type of music. Not that I didn't like the music that my ex liked, because I pretty much did, but - this is different. We're both huge, HUGE Led Zeppelin fans. We both support the legalization of marijuana - recreational or medical - either one, don't matter. We both like to go to music hangouts, drink beer until 4am, and hang with the best of them. She's a lot, LOT different than my ex. About 11 years younger, too. Oh, forgot to add - she wears a double-zero waist size - haven't ever dated a woman that skinny, at only 105 pounds - just never have... ;)
Oh yeah, forgot to add about my new "toy", my Randy Jackson series guitar. It's a pretty sweet toy... I just this morning got a new 9-volt battery to put in the thing, to which it will let me record, loop, playback, etc. I got it to help me to become more of a "one man band", since I have pretty much been playing solo for quite some time, now. Not that I care, because I don't - but now I'll have the tools to succeed, even if only succeeding by just the teeniest, tiniest bit - I'll succeed...
I'm still exploring the different capabilities, effects, and specifications of the guitar itself - it has a lot in store for me, and I'm glad that Santa was able to get me an early Christmas present.
Very nice. Quite...
Other than that? - that's pretty much it. Nothing new other than a new girlfriend and guitar. That's pretty much it.
Glad I don't have to go out in the night, rolling solo & single all the way through. Nice to have a beautiful woman on my arm. We went out the other night until about 4am - the bar we went to was a local one, about a little over two miles from my house. One of the waitresses behind the bar kept looking at me, while my squeeze and I were up there, enjoying our beer & whiskey & whatnot - I think she was in her mid-twenties, couldn't have been over 26 or 27. Anyway, she was hella cute - but as whenever I'm with a gal, out in public - I won't be rude and look at other women. I refuse to be that impolite. Absolutely refuse it.
So, enjoy your looks, gals - that's all I'm giving you... =P
-ajb
Which is good, because there aren't any surprises. I know I'm not the best boyfriend in the world or anything, and I know that I've become kind of jaded - when it comes to women & dating them - especially since my failed relationship I had, back at the beginning of the spring through early summer, with my ex. That? That was pretty doggone tough. Tough to go through. I never thought I would be able to open up to someone ever again - but I was wrong... even though I've _still_ been somewhat of a recluse, since I began dating this new chick. I haven't called her everyday or anything, more like every couple of days. But I just don't want to appear desperate for attention. Don't want that.
I also share a lot in common with my new squeeze... we're both musicians - she plays the fiddle - someday I will learn fiddle - we both love moonshine - she makes it, I drink it - and we both like the same type of music. Not that I didn't like the music that my ex liked, because I pretty much did, but - this is different. We're both huge, HUGE Led Zeppelin fans. We both support the legalization of marijuana - recreational or medical - either one, don't matter. We both like to go to music hangouts, drink beer until 4am, and hang with the best of them. She's a lot, LOT different than my ex. About 11 years younger, too. Oh, forgot to add - she wears a double-zero waist size - haven't ever dated a woman that skinny, at only 105 pounds - just never have... ;)
Oh yeah, forgot to add about my new "toy", my Randy Jackson series guitar. It's a pretty sweet toy... I just this morning got a new 9-volt battery to put in the thing, to which it will let me record, loop, playback, etc. I got it to help me to become more of a "one man band", since I have pretty much been playing solo for quite some time, now. Not that I care, because I don't - but now I'll have the tools to succeed, even if only succeeding by just the teeniest, tiniest bit - I'll succeed...
I'm still exploring the different capabilities, effects, and specifications of the guitar itself - it has a lot in store for me, and I'm glad that Santa was able to get me an early Christmas present.
Very nice. Quite...
Other than that? - that's pretty much it. Nothing new other than a new girlfriend and guitar. That's pretty much it.
Glad I don't have to go out in the night, rolling solo & single all the way through. Nice to have a beautiful woman on my arm. We went out the other night until about 4am - the bar we went to was a local one, about a little over two miles from my house. One of the waitresses behind the bar kept looking at me, while my squeeze and I were up there, enjoying our beer & whiskey & whatnot - I think she was in her mid-twenties, couldn't have been over 26 or 27. Anyway, she was hella cute - but as whenever I'm with a gal, out in public - I won't be rude and look at other women. I refuse to be that impolite. Absolutely refuse it.
So, enjoy your looks, gals - that's all I'm giving you... =P
-ajb
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Confessionals...
Yeah.
I've been hiding some stuff, at least publically (or socially, like in Facebook...) for the past five or so months.
I haven't dated anyone since my breakup with my ex, back at the beginning of July. I can't really complain about the breakup, as, well - it was an unintended consequence - and nobody was "at fault", not intentionally, anyway.
As far as social networking goes, like on Facebook? - well, I've been living a façade. I've had a "fake" girlfriend for the last 3 or 4 months. I mean, DAMN!!! That breakup? SUPER_DUPER_DUPER(!!!) hard on my psyche, my physical self, my self-esteem - everything.
I know that my ex girlfriend had/has been keeping up with my travels, at least on Facebook. Why? I don't know. I mean, she broke up with me, so - why in the world would she keep up with me?
Take last month, for instance: I was outside on my front porch and smoking a joint, it was about 3 in the afternoon, when along comes this silver, hatchback Honda civic - just like the one that she drives. You don't see many silver, older model Honda civics with a hatchback, at least I haven't seen one since I was dating her, or after our breakup. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was her. I just stood there, holding that joint in my hands, and simply watched "her" (if it WAS her...) just drive on by.
And it's not like I'm "in the neighborhood" or anything like that. My house is in the exact opposite direction from her commute, or travels home - like when she's leaving school, or something like that. I'm pretty sure that she was either 1) going to class, or 2) out of class, on her way home. No way it could have been anybody else.
Also - it's not like I've been stalking her, either. I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house, especially when I happen to be in the neighborhood (like I am when I'm going to my buddy, Stevo's house) - I just won't and haven't allowed myself to do it.
Don't get me wrong - I've been tempted, tempted to drive by her house, see who might be spending the night, all of that jazz, but - I've been strong. At least, in _that_ particular regard... I've been really strong. I've _somewhat_ avoided looking at her Facebook page, as after our breakup, I blocked her from my page. She just created another.
Circumstantial? Perhaps. But, the fact that she made a "new" Facebook, as well as seeing her car drive by my house (can't forge - POSSIBLY her car...), as _well_ as seeing a car, just like hers, drive by one of the places that I do open-mic, about two or three miles down the street from me, well - Monday night, as I was getting ready to go into a place called "The Cove", it was about 7:30pm, and on the way in, I thought I saw a car - again - just like hers, drive past the establishment. It wasn't driving very fast - at all - and as it was driving away, slowly, I had my guitar case in my hand, and began walking towards the car in their direction; it made a left turn a block away from me, and off it went.
Now, am I crazy to think that all of these circumstantial events mean something? Maybe. Am I crazy about this woman? I don't know. I know that I'm still in love with her. Yeah Kathleen - I'm still in love with you. I would love to go out and date someone new, and finally forget what we had together. I mean, it wasn't that _bad_ and I know that there could be some unintended consequences (like my heartbreak) resulting from a potential breakup and all of that, but still...
Yeah. I still love you, Kathleen. I don't know how long I will love you, or be in love with you or anything like that. I don't know if you're dating someone new. I don't know if you've met someone else, or what. I'm sure you have. You're a beautiful woman, and I'm just sorry that I couldn't provide everything that you needed, in a man.
From what I gathered from our relationship, you want a man that 1) has graduated from college, 2) is established in a gainful profession, 3) has a house & car of his own, 4) make at the _least_ $60,000 a year, and 5) doesn't have a debilitating disease like myself, with my having multiple sclerosis and all of that, and 6) someone who can please you physically, on demand and at the drop of a hat. I know that my MS caused some serious drawbacks in the physical aspect of our relationship. I know that sometimes I couldn't please you. It had been so, SO very long since I had been with anyone, for at least five or six years, until you came along. So I had a lot of catching up to do. As well as going back through the beginning, learning the ropes all over again.
I wanted to hurt your feelings, after our breakup. At first, after it ended, well - I wanted to kill myself. You know this because I told you that's what I wanted to do, the night after you broke up with me. Thank GOD that I did not do that!!! Also - I wanted to "jump back on the wagon" as fast as possible, find a beautiful girl to court and pursue for a relationship, so that I could post a selfie of me and whoever's beautiful face I would happen to be dating, onto my Facebook page. Yeah - I wanted to really, really, REALLLLYY rub it in.
Seriously.
But, I'm over that now. I don't know if you'll ever read this, you may, you may not. I don't know. If you do a Google search of my whole name, you'll find this. Otherwise? I don't know.
Before we started dating, you asked me "is us dating going to hurt the group?" when we were all playing music together, with you singing and me and Jimmy doing our thing on the guitar/mandolin/dobro/whatever... I knew the repercussions of what could happen, before I asked you out. I knew that if there was a breakup, that well, it would mess everything up.
And, it did. My fault on that one. I fall in love easily, especially when I allow myself to do so, like I did with you, and fell for you so hard because we shared soooo much in common. But, I was a fool for thinking so, or believing that you actually loved me, when you told me that you did.
I'm also "lucky" in the fact that I share a name with a famous professional basketball player, Andrew Bynum. Although I'm probably about 8 years older, about a foot shorter, and make wayyyyyy less money than he does, well - it keeps a lot of the "web searches" from immediately pulling _MY_ information up. The baller's info comes up first - always. And? I think I like that. Keeps me somewhat "mysterious" (???) - if I can call it that?
I started this blog because there are certain things I won't post on my Facebook. On here? I am somewhat anonymous, and can talk about whatever.
Anyway, so - my <3 has recovered (finally!!!), I'm "over" you, Kathleen, and I know sooooo much more (at least, in the dating department) about relationships, and how _not_ to screw them up - all because of you.
I now know - DON'T talk about the person you're dating on Facebook or social media, I mean, you can talk about them and the time you share with them, but - don't overdo it.
I now know this. The next woman in my life? I won't be talking about her on Facebook - at least, not in the way I talked about you, Kathleen. Our relationship, in fact, well it taught me _so_ very much. So, so so so SO much!!!
I guess that a good "dress rehearsal" like ours? Has its benefits. I don't know if we'll ever meet again. I don't know if I'll ever hold you again. I'm pretty sure that I'll never kiss you again. Nor sleep with you. I know that all of that? - is over. And I'm okay with that.
I am the type of man that, when a relationship goes south, and I wind up possibly getting my heart broken? I withdraw from the life of that person. I just disappear. It's much, much much easier that way. Much. That way I can get on with my life.
But - you stay beautiful, okay? Yeah. I still think that you're beautiful. I hope you have a good birthday next month, on the 15th. I hope that you're doing well in your master's courses, and I want you to know that I'm going back to school this upcoming January. I'll be signing up for 3 classes, two of them having to do with my course-load, and one class will be a Shodokan Karate class with my old sensei, Jeff Mullins. That will give me more than 6 hours, and I'll be able to use the fitness facilities up at school. I don't know if we'll ever see each other up there, as I'll probably be going during a time when you won't be there.
But if I see you up there? I'll give you a wave. If you want one when you see me, sure - I'll give you a hug. And then I'll be off.
Everyone else? - Have a wonderful night/day/weekend/whatever...
-ajb
I've been hiding some stuff, at least publically (or socially, like in Facebook...) for the past five or so months.
I haven't dated anyone since my breakup with my ex, back at the beginning of July. I can't really complain about the breakup, as, well - it was an unintended consequence - and nobody was "at fault", not intentionally, anyway.
As far as social networking goes, like on Facebook? - well, I've been living a façade. I've had a "fake" girlfriend for the last 3 or 4 months. I mean, DAMN!!! That breakup? SUPER_DUPER_DUPER(!!!) hard on my psyche, my physical self, my self-esteem - everything.
I know that my ex girlfriend had/has been keeping up with my travels, at least on Facebook. Why? I don't know. I mean, she broke up with me, so - why in the world would she keep up with me?
Take last month, for instance: I was outside on my front porch and smoking a joint, it was about 3 in the afternoon, when along comes this silver, hatchback Honda civic - just like the one that she drives. You don't see many silver, older model Honda civics with a hatchback, at least I haven't seen one since I was dating her, or after our breakup. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was her. I just stood there, holding that joint in my hands, and simply watched "her" (if it WAS her...) just drive on by.
And it's not like I'm "in the neighborhood" or anything like that. My house is in the exact opposite direction from her commute, or travels home - like when she's leaving school, or something like that. I'm pretty sure that she was either 1) going to class, or 2) out of class, on her way home. No way it could have been anybody else.
Also - it's not like I've been stalking her, either. I haven't allowed myself to drive by her house, especially when I happen to be in the neighborhood (like I am when I'm going to my buddy, Stevo's house) - I just won't and haven't allowed myself to do it.
Don't get me wrong - I've been tempted, tempted to drive by her house, see who might be spending the night, all of that jazz, but - I've been strong. At least, in _that_ particular regard... I've been really strong. I've _somewhat_ avoided looking at her Facebook page, as after our breakup, I blocked her from my page. She just created another.
Circumstantial? Perhaps. But, the fact that she made a "new" Facebook, as well as seeing her car drive by my house (can't forge - POSSIBLY her car...), as _well_ as seeing a car, just like hers, drive by one of the places that I do open-mic, about two or three miles down the street from me, well - Monday night, as I was getting ready to go into a place called "The Cove", it was about 7:30pm, and on the way in, I thought I saw a car - again - just like hers, drive past the establishment. It wasn't driving very fast - at all - and as it was driving away, slowly, I had my guitar case in my hand, and began walking towards the car in their direction; it made a left turn a block away from me, and off it went.
Now, am I crazy to think that all of these circumstantial events mean something? Maybe. Am I crazy about this woman? I don't know. I know that I'm still in love with her. Yeah Kathleen - I'm still in love with you. I would love to go out and date someone new, and finally forget what we had together. I mean, it wasn't that _bad_ and I know that there could be some unintended consequences (like my heartbreak) resulting from a potential breakup and all of that, but still...
Yeah. I still love you, Kathleen. I don't know how long I will love you, or be in love with you or anything like that. I don't know if you're dating someone new. I don't know if you've met someone else, or what. I'm sure you have. You're a beautiful woman, and I'm just sorry that I couldn't provide everything that you needed, in a man.
From what I gathered from our relationship, you want a man that 1) has graduated from college, 2) is established in a gainful profession, 3) has a house & car of his own, 4) make at the _least_ $60,000 a year, and 5) doesn't have a debilitating disease like myself, with my having multiple sclerosis and all of that, and 6) someone who can please you physically, on demand and at the drop of a hat. I know that my MS caused some serious drawbacks in the physical aspect of our relationship. I know that sometimes I couldn't please you. It had been so, SO very long since I had been with anyone, for at least five or six years, until you came along. So I had a lot of catching up to do. As well as going back through the beginning, learning the ropes all over again.
I wanted to hurt your feelings, after our breakup. At first, after it ended, well - I wanted to kill myself. You know this because I told you that's what I wanted to do, the night after you broke up with me. Thank GOD that I did not do that!!! Also - I wanted to "jump back on the wagon" as fast as possible, find a beautiful girl to court and pursue for a relationship, so that I could post a selfie of me and whoever's beautiful face I would happen to be dating, onto my Facebook page. Yeah - I wanted to really, really, REALLLLYY rub it in.
Seriously.
But, I'm over that now. I don't know if you'll ever read this, you may, you may not. I don't know. If you do a Google search of my whole name, you'll find this. Otherwise? I don't know.
Before we started dating, you asked me "is us dating going to hurt the group?" when we were all playing music together, with you singing and me and Jimmy doing our thing on the guitar/mandolin/dobro/whatever... I knew the repercussions of what could happen, before I asked you out. I knew that if there was a breakup, that well, it would mess everything up.
And, it did. My fault on that one. I fall in love easily, especially when I allow myself to do so, like I did with you, and fell for you so hard because we shared soooo much in common. But, I was a fool for thinking so, or believing that you actually loved me, when you told me that you did.
I'm also "lucky" in the fact that I share a name with a famous professional basketball player, Andrew Bynum. Although I'm probably about 8 years older, about a foot shorter, and make wayyyyyy less money than he does, well - it keeps a lot of the "web searches" from immediately pulling _MY_ information up. The baller's info comes up first - always. And? I think I like that. Keeps me somewhat "mysterious" (???) - if I can call it that?
I started this blog because there are certain things I won't post on my Facebook. On here? I am somewhat anonymous, and can talk about whatever.
Anyway, so - my <3 has recovered (finally!!!), I'm "over" you, Kathleen, and I know sooooo much more (at least, in the dating department) about relationships, and how _not_ to screw them up - all because of you.
I now know - DON'T talk about the person you're dating on Facebook or social media, I mean, you can talk about them and the time you share with them, but - don't overdo it.
I now know this. The next woman in my life? I won't be talking about her on Facebook - at least, not in the way I talked about you, Kathleen. Our relationship, in fact, well it taught me _so_ very much. So, so so so SO much!!!
I guess that a good "dress rehearsal" like ours? Has its benefits. I don't know if we'll ever meet again. I don't know if I'll ever hold you again. I'm pretty sure that I'll never kiss you again. Nor sleep with you. I know that all of that? - is over. And I'm okay with that.
I am the type of man that, when a relationship goes south, and I wind up possibly getting my heart broken? I withdraw from the life of that person. I just disappear. It's much, much much easier that way. Much. That way I can get on with my life.
But - you stay beautiful, okay? Yeah. I still think that you're beautiful. I hope you have a good birthday next month, on the 15th. I hope that you're doing well in your master's courses, and I want you to know that I'm going back to school this upcoming January. I'll be signing up for 3 classes, two of them having to do with my course-load, and one class will be a Shodokan Karate class with my old sensei, Jeff Mullins. That will give me more than 6 hours, and I'll be able to use the fitness facilities up at school. I don't know if we'll ever see each other up there, as I'll probably be going during a time when you won't be there.
But if I see you up there? I'll give you a wave. If you want one when you see me, sure - I'll give you a hug. And then I'll be off.
Everyone else? - Have a wonderful night/day/weekend/whatever...
-ajb
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Return_of_the_digits...
My hand - it's back, again... working perfectly, just like it was before all of this carpal-tunnel crap started happening; I can now press down on the 'p' button, apostrophie, right shift or anything else requiring my right pinkie or ring finger - the entire feeling is back - there is no longer any kind of numbness for that particular hand; I had gotten so freaked out after that last breakup - that alone completely screwed my hand up... completely. I mean, I can't just _blame_ it all on my ex - because hey - it was _my_ stupid idea that we start dating, anyway - not hers. All she wanted was a guitarist that would play for her. Maybe I reacted so overtly. I don't know. I don't know if I want to know, myself. But, it's nice to be able to hold onto things like my guitar picks, pens, being able to type completely again - stuff like that. You really really REALLY don't know what you have, until you don't have it anymore. You really don't. I keep getting bad ad popups with this particular laptop. They're driving me bonkers. Don't know how crazy I am about this new windows system. Whatever. Life is good, again. I am on top of things - everything - my party life - my love life - I am back on top of things, again - most definitely. Saw Darius Rucker with special guest, Woody Harrelson on the 20th... it was fantastic... Rucker opened up with some Hootie & The Blowfish in "Let Her Cry", which was a _hugely_ inspirational song for me when I was in my heyday, back in the early and late nineties... I was completely on top of the world - perhaps about forty-to-fifty pounds heavier, but I was completely ruling everything. Back before all of my issues with relationships seem to affect me so heavily. Romantically-speaking... but anyway, back to the concert - Woody (White Men Can't Jump...) - Woody got his electric guitar out, and started by saying what an honor it was to play in Memphis, because of Elvis Presley and all that, and started to do Elvis' "Since my baby left me - I've found a new place to dwell... Heartbreak Hotel... it was pretty good, I have to give it to the guy. It sounded maybe a liiiiiiitle out of his range, but he definitely pulled it off!!! It was really good - then Rucker went into his new music "don't think I don't think about it" from his country music, which he's basically gotten into in the last four or five years (since Hootie's retirement...) so it was really well-worth the money that I paid ticketmaster to get. It worked out well. I love going to see concerts there because there are about 20,000 folks there, everybody is dancing and having a good time and enjoying the music - it's a really beautiful setting. That is about the third concert I have seen at the Memphis Botanic Gardens. I love it. So - I have everything back that I lost - my hand, my guitar picks, my everything. My self-dignity. My confidence. My complete ability to talk to people. I guess I'm back; I'm turning 36 on the 25th, which is in one day... I have to say that, well, I'm pretty excited about my birthday - it's turning out to be quite a good fall season, with the temps outside getting a little bit downright chilly! I was wearing a cutoff_sleeves t-shirt for today and wound up having to come across the street (from hanging out with a neighbor) and I wound up having to change into something more, warm(???) to put on... I love this fall weather. I just love this time of year. Everything about it, it's like ever since my birthday falls in late September, then Christmas comes around exactly 3 months after my birthday
Friday, August 22, 2014
Hell Bent & Whiskey Bound...
Just got back from my absolute, abso_LUTE fave bar here in Memphis - Ubee's...
I love that place because it's this cool little college bar only about a mile from my house, over across the street from the University of Memphis (where I also attend college - free of charge, due to my disability with MS). They have a cool outside patio where you can basically? Get drunk and talk to
people - like the days "before" WIFI - Ha!!!
I love this town - I live in the absolute best town possible. And even though I have been only the biggest homebody in the WORLD since I have been sick, I still, still still still absolutely love to get out and mingle with folks.
Memphis is a great college town. Everything I ever drive to is only something like within 3 or 4 miles of my house. I don't have to spend a lot of money to go out and have a good time, either. Plus that and I can drink like a fish without any consequence.
Not that I drank like a fish tonight, because I did not. I went up there originally with my 12-string acoustic guitar (what I _usually_ take with me...) in the back of my LaCrosse - never bothered taking the thing with me, though, because I had a wild hair up my keister that wanted to get out and have a little bit of fun, around 1am time - since I have been the type to be able to be up for, well - a week at a time if I have to - since I stopped working back in '08 - I can be up at whatever time of the day it might be and go out and have a good time, ya know? Anyway, I had two budweisers within two hours of each other - keeps me legal to drive - to which after I get home, I will get out my bottle of bourbon or my moonshine or whatever I have "on tap" here at my house to drink 'after hours' - you know what I mean?
Which means the world to a 35 year old going on 36 (at the end of September) - yes - I am a Libra - Libras do it better, anyway - most of the peoples that I met tonight were all in their mid twenties, very cool people... I am never lonely, wherever I seem to go - does not matter a whit. I can hold a conversation with the best of them. Always been able to do that.
Plus that and I am a good storyteller who had everybody riveted that I talked to tonight, males and females alike, especially after I started talking to a group of people I happened to meet, party with and hang out with about my MS. Telling folks that I was completely blind from July 2007 until May 2008 is a jaw-dropper. And I do it so well. That and stories about 3 months of chemotherapy, along with the 3 spinal taps I have had, since I have been sick. I don't go to my bar to "get laid" - I just go to talk to people, that's all. That and I am a people watcher. Always. That with being a great conversationalist. I can talk to a wall and have a great time. Doesn't matter to me - nobody hates on Drew... ever ever ever...
I got some really, really REALLY loud marijuana today. Great, great smoke. Good stuff ya know? Medical-Grade weed, if you know what I am saying? I don't smoke weed every day, but I don't NOT smoke either, ya know?
Besides - I have done some really, really reallllllyyy bad, BAD drugs out there since I turned 21. Weed? Going to be legal, at least for medical patients like myself - I say within the next 8 to 10 years. Guaranteed. Even for a Bible Belt state like Tennessee... Hell, the painkillers I take for my MS would absolutely freaking KILL your ass, and those are under lock and key in my medical safe... I am no drug dealer. Never. I don't dispense drugs. Not my business to do so. I am just a musician/singer songwriter - I am NO medical doctor. Besides - you Break into MY house? You WILL be staring at my loaded .38 revolver. Nuf' said about that...
So anyway, I just got home. Went by a local grocery that is open for 24 hours just down the street from home. Bought a loaf of bread for ninety nine cents. I can be cheap, too. But I don't give a damn.
Besides... I am a master cook & chef and could absolutely live off of my preferred meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup. I only eat once per day. That's it. Been that way for some YEARS now.
Anyway it was a great night and I am getting ready to eat and then either stay up and songwrite, listen to music, maybe play one of my guitars. I do whatever I want to. Whenever I want to.
Hope everyone out there is having a great night and/or day.
Cheeeeeeers!!!
-drew =P
I love that place because it's this cool little college bar only about a mile from my house, over across the street from the University of Memphis (where I also attend college - free of charge, due to my disability with MS). They have a cool outside patio where you can basically? Get drunk and talk to
people - like the days "before" WIFI - Ha!!!
I love this town - I live in the absolute best town possible. And even though I have been only the biggest homebody in the WORLD since I have been sick, I still, still still still absolutely love to get out and mingle with folks.
Memphis is a great college town. Everything I ever drive to is only something like within 3 or 4 miles of my house. I don't have to spend a lot of money to go out and have a good time, either. Plus that and I can drink like a fish without any consequence.
Not that I drank like a fish tonight, because I did not. I went up there originally with my 12-string acoustic guitar (what I _usually_ take with me...) in the back of my LaCrosse - never bothered taking the thing with me, though, because I had a wild hair up my keister that wanted to get out and have a little bit of fun, around 1am time - since I have been the type to be able to be up for, well - a week at a time if I have to - since I stopped working back in '08 - I can be up at whatever time of the day it might be and go out and have a good time, ya know? Anyway, I had two budweisers within two hours of each other - keeps me legal to drive - to which after I get home, I will get out my bottle of bourbon or my moonshine or whatever I have "on tap" here at my house to drink 'after hours' - you know what I mean?
Which means the world to a 35 year old going on 36 (at the end of September) - yes - I am a Libra - Libras do it better, anyway - most of the peoples that I met tonight were all in their mid twenties, very cool people... I am never lonely, wherever I seem to go - does not matter a whit. I can hold a conversation with the best of them. Always been able to do that.
Plus that and I am a good storyteller who had everybody riveted that I talked to tonight, males and females alike, especially after I started talking to a group of people I happened to meet, party with and hang out with about my MS. Telling folks that I was completely blind from July 2007 until May 2008 is a jaw-dropper. And I do it so well. That and stories about 3 months of chemotherapy, along with the 3 spinal taps I have had, since I have been sick. I don't go to my bar to "get laid" - I just go to talk to people, that's all. That and I am a people watcher. Always. That with being a great conversationalist. I can talk to a wall and have a great time. Doesn't matter to me - nobody hates on Drew... ever ever ever...
I got some really, really REALLY loud marijuana today. Great, great smoke. Good stuff ya know? Medical-Grade weed, if you know what I am saying? I don't smoke weed every day, but I don't NOT smoke either, ya know?
Besides - I have done some really, really reallllllyyy bad, BAD drugs out there since I turned 21. Weed? Going to be legal, at least for medical patients like myself - I say within the next 8 to 10 years. Guaranteed. Even for a Bible Belt state like Tennessee... Hell, the painkillers I take for my MS would absolutely freaking KILL your ass, and those are under lock and key in my medical safe... I am no drug dealer. Never. I don't dispense drugs. Not my business to do so. I am just a musician/singer songwriter - I am NO medical doctor. Besides - you Break into MY house? You WILL be staring at my loaded .38 revolver. Nuf' said about that...
So anyway, I just got home. Went by a local grocery that is open for 24 hours just down the street from home. Bought a loaf of bread for ninety nine cents. I can be cheap, too. But I don't give a damn.
Besides... I am a master cook & chef and could absolutely live off of my preferred meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup. I only eat once per day. That's it. Been that way for some YEARS now.
Anyway it was a great night and I am getting ready to eat and then either stay up and songwrite, listen to music, maybe play one of my guitars. I do whatever I want to. Whenever I want to.
Hope everyone out there is having a great night and/or day.
Cheeeeeeers!!!
-drew =P
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